Ever tried reading a Microsoft EULA? My God, it's heavy going. I normally think, "sod it, I don't use this nonsense anyway", but as per Internet slang, here's an attempt at translating the one for OEM XP.
IMPORTANT-READ CAREFULLY: This End-User License Agreement ("EULA") is a legal agreement between you (either an individual or a single legal entity) and the manufacturer ("Manufacturer") of the computer system...
and so-forth, meaning:
We pwnd j00! You think you bought this $H1+? Shut up & do as we say suxxor!11! Dont fuk with us lol
Leading on to:
1. GRANT OF LICENSE. Manufacturer grants you the following rights, provided you comply with all of the terms and conditions of this EULA:
* Installation and Use. Except as otherwise expressly provided in this EULA, you may install, use...
Right, one copy, right, on this computer. No more than 5 at a time in here. Make sure you got a code 2 activate this or well cum+get u!!!! Oh yeh dont tamperz wit the drm sh1t, s0ny gets p1553d and then we all suffer lol!
2. DESCRIPTION OF OTHER RIGHTS AND LIMITATIONS.
* NetMeeting/Remote Assistance Features. The SOFTWARE contains Remote Assistance, and NetMeeting technologies that enable the Product or applications installed on the COMPUTER...
[An] AOL [user] says:
1. Share nice, d00dz! 2. We get info on you and ur system, but we dont tell noone. 3. Same again lol! 4. No blingual (sic) stuff! 5. Windows media bitz: l00k but dont tuch, fuxxor! 6. Dont split r $h1t. 7. do wot we say or well terminate ur rights!
You can tell why I'm not being very throrough here, but I think it gets the gist across.
3. UPGRADES. If the SOFTWARE is labeled as an upgrade, you must be properly licensed to use a product identified by MS or Microsoft Corporation...
if we said its an upgrade we mean UP-grade. Dont try to install it on nothing, you must have sumthing TO UPgrade.
4. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS. All title and intellectual property rights in and to the SOFTWARE (including but not limited to any images, photographs, animations, video, audio, music, text...
Something got lost in the translation of this one, but it ended with
are belong to us.
That's more like it.
5. PRODUCT SUPPORT. SOFTWARE support for the SOFTWARE is not provided by MS, Microsoft Corporation, or their affiliates or subsidiaries. For product support...
if it fuxxors up, nothing 2 do with us guvnor!
I could go on here, but I'm thoroughly bored. The rest is export restrictions ("dont give this 2 iranians or cubanz lollll") and so-forth. I think this could work out: Google language filter "EULA to AOLspeak", perhaps?
"The gun is good. The penis is evil. Go forth... and kill!"